You’ve got this, mama

Lebang Kgosana, host of podcast #LifeWithLebang, is very familiar with newborns: she’s had six of them! This makes her well accustomed to the challenges you might face on your baby’s first day at home. 

The first thing to understand about the day you bring your baby home is that you can't control everything that happens, Lebang says. We all imagine this day, picturing ourselves looking great and instantly connecting with our newborns. But the reality can be quite different. Whether you've had a C-section or a natural birth, you’re likely to feel some discomfort or pain. You might not have bonded with your baby as you expected if they've spent time in NICU or if you’re still processing the experience.

Becoming a mother can be overwhelming, even after months of preparation. This is completely normal, and there are resources available to help you manage these feelings.

You might also encounter unexpected situations. For example, Lebang recalls when her husband came to pick her up after one of her births, he realised he’d forgotten his driver’s licence. “Since I’d had a natural birth, I wasn’t in pain and felt well enough to drive – so I did. I hadn’t pictured the drive home taking place the way it did, with my husband sitting in the back with our baby, but that’s how it turned out. And it was fine.”

Her advice? Try not to get too attached to how you think things “should” be. Accepting that perfection doesn’t exist will help you stay calm if something unexpected happens.

While you can’t prepare for things beyond your control, you’ll feel more confident by managing what you can. This means getting ready in advance for your big day. There’s lots of information out there, so read about other people’s experiences, seek expert advice, talk to other moms in your circle, and listen to podcasts.

Lebang also suggests packing more than you think you’ll need in your baby bag. This way, you won't find yourself missing anything. Make lists and check them off to ensure you have everything you need.

There’s no “right” or “wrong” way to handle this day, Lebang says. Some families might enjoy having their closest relatives share the moment, while others might prefer to keep this special time private, especially if the idea of guests feels overwhelming. It’s perfectly okay to set boundaries. “Say something firm yet polite, such as ‘I greatly appreciate the support, but I really need this time to get to know my baby’.”

However, if they offer to help, accept! Ask them to take care of practicalities such as preparing meals. “Remember that you can’t do it all – there’s no such thing as a super-parent. Accepting help when it’s offered will give you time to rest and reconnect with yourself – and that’s vital, because it’s easy to lose sight of who you are as a person, and not just a mother, when you have a newborn.”

When you're finally alone with your baby at home, you might feel a bit overwhelmed, especially if the hospital staff were helping with bathing and feeding. Many new mothers worry about accidentally hurting their baby, but remember, these little ones might look delicate, but they are actually very strong, both inside and out, and their bodies instinctively know what to do, Lebang assures. She suggests reminding yourself that help is just a phone call away. There’s always a more experienced friend, family member, or healthcare professional available to offer reassurance and guidance.

Lebang adds that it’s easy to overthink your baby’s first days at home, but she encourages you to try to “get out of your head”. “These days are fleeting. They’ll be over before you know it, so don’t rush things. Try to be intentional and present in everything you do. And take time out to give yourself a pat on the back. You’ve done an amazing thing. You’ve got this.”