Why is my baby crying? A checklist for parents

The sound of a crying baby can make a new parent feel desperate and even inadequate – especially when you don’t know what your baby needs or how to calm them down. Try using this checklist to help figure it out.  

Every baby cries because it’s how they communicate. For new parents, figuring out what those cries mean is a big part of the process, even though it can be frustrating at times. Dr Raksha Takoordeen, a paediatrician at Mediclinic Pietermaritzburg, reminds parents that this is totally normal. “All babies cry. It’s their way of communicating their needs,” she says. “And, in time, you will learn what each cry means. Babies often cry the most between two weeks and four months old and usually settle well afterwards."

Crying baby checklist

When your baby is crying, it’s easy to forget even the most obvious reasons, especially when you’re really tired. Dr Takoordeen recommends working through this practical checklist. Take a screenshot on your phone or print it out and put it on your fridge for those times when the crying is so loud you can’t think straight.

• Is baby hungry? Breastfed babies usually eat every 2.5 to 3 hours. Formula-fed babies typically feed every three hours unless they didn’t get enough last time. Look for signs like turning their head toward your chest, known as ‘rooting’, or putting their hands in their mouth.
• Could they be uncomfortable? A good rule is that your baby should wear one more layer than you. Feel their temples – if they’re sweaty, your baby might be too warm. Take off one layer. If your baby is cold, wrap them in a warm blanket.
• Check the nappy. Newborns go through nappies quickly, so change them at least every three hours to avoid discomfort.
• Consider wind. Burping your baby during and after feeds can help release trapped gas and prevent discomfort.
• Watch for tiredness. Babies under six weeks should sleep between feeds, getting 14-18 hours of sleep in a 24-hour period.
• When should I get medical help?

Dr Takoordeen emphasises that some situations require immediate medical help:

• “Inconsolable fussiness, incessant or high-pitched crying, and other symptoms like fever, poor feeding, irritability or even lethargy need emergency medical attention.
• "If your baby is spitting up or vomiting a lot after feeding, especially if they’re arching their back and not gaining weight, it could be a sign of reflux and should be checked by your paediatrician.”

Is it colic?

Dr Takoordeen says true colic is actually less common than most people think. “The definition of colic is incessant, inconsolable crying in an otherwise healthy baby for three hours at a time for more than three days in a week,” she explains. “The crying usually starts at the same time each day, typically appears between the ages of three weeks and three months and does not respond to medical treatment. It usually resolves by three months of age.”

Practical soothing tips

“As difficult as it may be, try to stay calm,” says Dr Takoordeen. “When parents are anxious, their babies can become anxious too.” She recommends that you:

• Wrap your crying baby in a blanket or swaddle to make them feel like they’re back in the womb.
• Help baby find their thumb or finger to suck, which releases endorphins that make them feel calm and pain free.
• Gently rock or sway them while playing soft white noise.
• Give baby a gentle tummy massage in a clockwise direction. You can also try bending their hips and moving their legs in a cycling motion to help with gas.
• Give them a warm, soothing bath.

Take care of yourself

Remember, you don’t have to do everything on your own. Taking a break from your crying baby isn’t a failure – it’s self-care, so you can be the best parent you can be for your little one.

“Most importantly, ask for help,” says Dr Takoordeen. “If you’re feeling overwhelmed by your baby’s crying, take a break. Get support from your partner or family so you can have some time to relax. A few hours of undisturbed sleep can really improve your mood and wellbeing.”