Neurology
Why looking after yourself is just as vital as looking after your loved one with Alzheimer’s.
Caregiver burnout is real
There are days when caring for someone with Alzheimer’s can feel overwhelming. Repeating the same answer, dealing with disrupted sleep, managing changes in behaviour or simply trying to keep the person safe can be exhausting.
For Charmaine*, who is her mother’s primary caregiver, these challenges have become part of everyday life.
“My mom has Alzheimer’s and has no awareness of time and distance anymore,” she says. “We’re battling through hygiene issues, skin picking disorder, making messes, invading everyone’s privacy, waking everyone up, yelling out, leaving doors wide open, locking people outside, trying to ‘take the car for a drive’, and repeatedly saying ‘just leave me alone’.”
Charmaine admits to feeling burned out and neglecting her own needs.
Alzheimer’s explainedAlzheimer’s explained
“Dementia is a syndrome – a collection of symptoms caused by chronic changes in the brain that affect a person’s ability to function in everyday life,” says Dr India Butler, a physician at Wits Donald Gordon Medical Centre who specialises in geriatric medicine. “Alzheimer’s disease is the most common cause of dementia in older people, accounting for around 70% of dementia cases.”
Alzheimer’s typically affects short-term memory first, although it can also affect a person’s ability to plan, solve problems, recognise things, and navigate the world around them. As the disease progresses, everyday activities become increasingly difficult, and the person may need more support with tasks that were once routine.
For families, this can mean a gradual shift in roles. A spouse, child, or other loved one may suddenly find themselves in the role of caregiver, usually without formal training or preparation.
Try to understand what’s behind the behaviour
“Although we can take the edge off certain Alzheimer’s symptoms with medication, we can’t fix a person with dementia,” Dr Butler says. “Instead, the environment has to stretch like an elastic band to be able to handle them.”
Learning more about Alzheimer’s can help caregivers understand why certain behaviours occur – and respond with greater patience. A person may repeatedly ask the same question because they genuinely cannot remember asking it. They may become convinced that something has been stolen when they have simply misplaced it or develop fears and suspicions that seem completely unfounded.
“Knowing these behaviours are symptoms of the disease, rather than deliberate attempts to frustrate or upset you, can make a difficult situation easier to navigate,” Dr Butler says.
Sometimes, it’s better not to argueSometimes, it’s better not to argue
When someone with Alzheimer’s says something that isn’t factually correct, your instinct may be to correct them. But proving someone wrong can sometimes make the situation more distressing.
“If they say it’s Thursday, it’s Thursday – it doesn’t matter if it’s actually Monday,” says Dr Butler. “Instead, acknowledge their feelings, reassure them, and gently redirect their attention. In other words, sometimes you need to meet the person with Alzheimer’s where they are, rather than insisting they come back to where you are.”
Keep to familiar routines
As Alzheimer’s progresses, the world can become increasingly confusing. Familiar routines can provide comfort and a sense of security. Try to keep everyday activities – such as waking, eating, bathing, and going to bed – at roughly the same time. Speak calmly and at eye level, give one instruction at a time, and avoid overwhelming the person with too many choices.
Where possible, encourage independence and allow them to make simple decisions. And remember: they are still adults. Alzheimer’s may change a person’s abilities, but it doesn’t take away their dignity or their right to be treated with respect.
Don’t underestimate the caregiver’s mental load
Caregiving is about more than just physical tasks. There is also the constant mental checklist: medication, appointments, meals, safety, finances, shopping, and what might happen next. You may find yourself constantly “thinking for two”. This can be exhausting, particularly if you feel you cannot leave the person alone.
Dr Butler encourages caregivers to ask themselves one simple question: What do you do for a break? If the answer is “nothing”, it may be time to ask for help.
Asking for help isn’t failing
One of the biggest misconceptions about caregiving is that accepting help means you aren’t coping. The opposite may be true. Getting support can be one of the most responsible things you can do for yourself and the person you care for.
Ask a family member to take over a regular responsibility, arrange help at home or consider respite care. Even a few hours away can give you time to exercise, see a friend, run errands or simply rest. “Honestly, the earlier the better,” advises Dr Butler.
Support groups can also provide a valuable sense of connection, helping caregivers realise they’re not alone and offering practical strategies for difficult situations.
Your health matters too
It’s easy to put your own needs at the bottom of the list when someone else depends on you. But maintaining regular meals, physical activity, social connections, and medical check-ups matters.
“Caring for someone with dementia actually can’t be done by one person,” says Dr Butler. “It takes a village.” And sometimes, getting that village involved means considering more support than family can provide at home.
As Alzheimer’s progresses, there may come a point when caring for someone at home becomes too difficult or unsafe. Choosing a care facility doesn’t mean you’ve failed your loved one. For some people with advanced dementia, professional, round-the-clock care may be the safest and most appropriate option.
Respite care can also provide a temporary solution, giving caregivers time to rest and recover.
Caring for yourself is part of caring for them
Living alongside someone with Alzheimer’s can be one of the hardest journeys a family takes. There may be frustration, exhaustion, and moments when you grieve for the person they used to be. But there can also be connection, humour, and moments of joy.
Learning to understand the disease, adapting your expectations, accepting help, and looking after your own wellbeing can make the journey more manageable.
“You don’t have to do it alone,” says Dr Butler. “Looking after yourself isn’t separate from caring for someone with Alzheimer’s – it’s part of it.”
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